So, when you, a mere human being, pass judgement on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God’s judgement Romans 2:3
It is amazing that we are so quick to criticize each other considering scriptural truth not to judge. As humans we judge, initially as a way to sort out our world. The first generation of humans had to judge to survival. “Which berries are good and which berries are bad?” We also needed to judge those who were different and outside our tribe as a way to remain safe. Even infants learn to see similar faces and voices as part of their clan and other faces may be frightening if they are different. Although this identifying and judging is necessary to our survival it also sets the basis for thinking in black and white, good and bad, same or different. This develops into a sense of “for me” or “against me,” the basis of fear. All forms of racism and rejection is fueled by fear. As a result of this survival response, we continue to make good and bad judgements all throughout our day fueling our fears.
Unfortunately, our tendency to make judgements seems to take over as our ego strengthens. We begin to separate people into groups of good and bad. There is something both innately evil and pleasurable in participating in judging or blaming others. When we blame the other person, we quickly take the focus off ourselves and shine the light of judgment onto someone else to protect our sense of self.
Sadly, in a divorce there is so much ammunition to attack one another. This is especially true for the high-conflict divorce. The blame game may go on for years with neither side surrendering to the truth that we all fall short of the glory of God. The tendency to judge those who are different from us by race, background, education, religion, gender and politics has become the basis of war atrocities, racism and all hate crimes.
Deborah Ford in Why Good People Do Bad Things, states “We are all the light and the dark, saint and the sinner, the lovable and unlovable. We are all kind and warm as well as coldhearted and mean. Within you and within me lies every quality known to humankind. Although we may not be consciously aware of all our own qualities, they are lying dormant within us and can come forth at anytime, anywhere” (p. 23) Who are you judging because they are different? Is this who God wants you to be?
Rise above your own thoughts and realize the fundamental oneness of all life. What makes us feel so separate if we are all connected to God and each other?
Lord, Grant me the patience and self-control to avoid being judgmental of others and especially my co-parent. This is very hard for me especially when I get angry. When I become judgmental, I am not behaving as You command. Show my pride lurking behind my arrogance and judgement. Forgive me Lord. Remind me that we are all interconnected and that nothing exists in isolation. Fill me with your Holy Spirit. Amen